Welcome to The 10 tips Series – where Tina Gray {dot} Me readers and myself will share with you what we know. Scroll right to the bottom to find out how you can submit your own 10 tips.
In this post, Alex shares her 10 tips to help your shy child at school…
As January gets underway and the ‘Back To School’ advertisements flood our screens, parents of shy children start to put the ‘finishing touches’ to their strategies for helping their timid children start the school year with gusto.
Not only can it break your heart watching your sensitive, shy child ‘freeze up’ and withdraw at school, it can be very frustrating. You know how outgoing and delightful your child can be – if only – they could get over that introversion.
Sadly, many people think of ‘being shy’ as a negative – a personality deficit rather than a personality trait. This is very damaging. Shyness, is fact, can indicate a strong self-awareness and sensitivity to social circumstances. And isn’t emotional intelligence the absolute must have skill for the new millennium?
So what can you do to help them? How can you help them feel settled and start to blossom?
- Strike up a good relationship with the teacher. As soon as possible, have a quiet word with the teacher explaining how your child can be quite shy but also has the ability to be noisy and outgoing at home. Ask the teacher to encourage the child to answer questions and interact in the classroom. Maybe your child can be given some of the regular classroom jobs to build some confidence eg taking notes to the offices or escorting sick children to sickbay (put a mask in the school bag!) Make sure you regularly check in with the teacher and always let them know how much you appreciate their efforts. Chocolates, wine or even a bunch of flowers from your garden would never go astray here!
Work out the best school arrival strategy for your child. What works here will completely depend on your child. Some parents of shy children arrive early and sit in the playground encouraging their child to interact with others whilst feeling secure. Others arrive just as the bell is ringing to avoid emotional and drawn-put farewells. Depending on the child’s age, you could also ‘hand them over’ to their teacher or the teacher on duty. Maybe organise to meet another mother and child in the playground before school, so your child does not feel alone.- Social Engineering. I know, it may have its critics but I firmly believe that setting up some play dates for your child with other like-minded children is absolutely essential. Do this as regularly as you can manage.
- Build self-esteem. Self Esteem is probably the most important foundation for any child when they need to perform socially. Provide positive reinforcement to children regarding their accomplishments where possible. And the accomplishments maybe as simple as setting the table by themselves, feeding the dog or doing a great painting. But don’t go overboard otherwise they might see through it!
- Prepare Your Child. If your child is starting school for the first time or changing schools, they may have completed an orientation program. If not, it is always helpful for a cautious child to be prepared. Viewing the school, meeting the teacher ahead of time or meeting some children in the class prior to attending can be a great source of comfort for shy children. A rundown of what a school day may entail is also very useful. Why not also give your child a ‘toolbox’ of words to use at school. It may just be as simple as: ”My name is Alex. What is your name?” “I like soccer. Why don’t we play it together?” or ‘Can I play with you?’.
- Volunteer Parent Helper. Most schools will be so grateful for parental help with many offering a formal class parent system. Depending on your child’s age, this could mean assisting with reading, social events, sport or even excursions. Your child will most likely take great comfort from having you as a regular fixture in the classroom.
The Lunch Bunch. Unstructured time in the playground can be really difficult for shy children. Depending on your child’s age, why not ask the teacher to set up a ‘lunch bunch’ – a small group of kids that could arrange to meet in a certain spot for playground time? There would, without a doubt, be other children who would also benefit from such a plan.- Be Positive, Avoid Labels and Really Listen. Try to avoid letting your child see that you are worried or frustrated with the situation. Never refer to your child as ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ when they are in earshot as labels can be shattering for a child. Always maintain a positive, upbeat disposition but don’t dismiss your child’s feelings. Encourage your child to share their feelings and thoughts with you and let them know that you understand how they feel.
Activities. Enrol your child in some activities that will build their confidence and their friendship opportunities. Swimming, soccer or ballet are great for little ones while Scouts, Girl Guides or even a church youth group can be a perfect place for a teenager to meet others and build some confidence socially (without knowing). Some parents also enrol their children into Before or After School care to provide their children with structured activities whilst getting to know their school mates.- Watch Closely. Most children will work through a shy, withdrawn phase and develop confidence over a period of time. If you have any concerns about your child, or think that your strategies are not working, then it may be worthwhile getting some professional help. Most schools offer a counsellor or psychologist that maybe able to provide some assistance.
About Alex: Alex Merton-McCann is the Sydney-based founder of Secret Mummy Business, a place to get the lowdown on all the essential mummy survival secrets you need. From must make cakes and very fast dinners through to the best news stories, ‘must have’ gadgets and tried and tested family holiday spots, Secret Mummy Business provides mummies with everything they need to know to stay ahead of the game.
Recently retired from the corporate world, Alex has 4 noisy boys, almost 10 nieces and nephews and 3 beautiful god daughters of her own – and a constantly messy house!!
::
If you are interested in submitting a post for The 10 Tips series, please get in touch – tinagray.me@gmail.com
.jpg)
{ 5 comments }
This is a great post. 2 of my 3 boys are at school and so far they've settled in pretty well each year and I was pleasantly surprised how my middle son jumped right into kindergarten life. I think some of the big things that helped my kids was activities like cricket and footy, which gave them familiar faces at school, plus before & after school care has been a big hit because it helped them get to know kids outside their own classroom which then also gives them confidence in the playground. Although it's not something I've had to face too much with my own boys yet, it describes my own school life in vivid detail. I was such a shy child it was almost crippling for me and I know I would have benefitted from any of these great ideas.
Great tips there. My son used to be really shy. Well, he still is, but thankfully he managed to settle in – slowly but still he did, when he started school. Working together with the teacher is always a good call. Also, arranging playdates with one or two of their classmates can also help too.
My recent post Winner of Adventure Park Victoria Summer Fun Pass
some wonderful tips! really listening is something so important, and sometimes we all miss this a little.
My recent post Back to School tips and organisation
Great tips! Thanks for sharing. My kids don't cope well with big crowds, so they like to get to the school as soon as the gates open in the morning, so that the crowd of kids grows…it's not thrust upon them.
My recent post A school bag nook for a small space
I think that involving the child in social and sport activities is the best method – that helped me to meet new people.
My recent post Inchirieri robe absolvire Bucuresti